A cry from Sambisa

My name is Mary Sule

I am one of the Chibok girls

We lay in bed in darkness

And waited for sleep to come

Anxious about our impending exams

I have always wanted to be a Doctor

Papa had refused to let me return to school because of the recent killings

But I was resilent

I did not want my dreams to die


As i dozed off dreaming of white lab coats

 I heard loud screams from some girls in the hostel

And then I saw them

The Men in Army Uniforms

Speaking in a language I did not understand

I was sure it wasnt Hausa

Sounded like they were

chanting prayers in Arabic

They carried big guns


We were all terrified

They told our teachers to lie flat on their bellies

 or they would shout at them

I saw my English Teacher lie face down

even Mr. Musa our Government Teacher was face down too


The fear of death levels all men


And we were left to our fate in the hands of

the Men in Army Uniforms

They counted us and squashed us lie sardines in the back of the trucks

The trucks smelt of rotten tomatoes and cow dung


Some of the girls were screaming

No one came.........

My tears flowed freely and

they have not stopped since



These Men in Army Uniforms

They took us to a forest

Sambisa

They beat us and rape us
and force us to chant their prayers with them in Arabic

And they starve us, and beat us and rape us


Some of the girls have fallen sick in their bodies

But all of us have been scarred in our minds for life


I will never feel safe again


My tears have not stopped flowing


I cry for my life, my future and my dreams

I cry for my mother and my father

I cry for my siblings, my family and my friends

I cry for Nigeria


In the midst of my tears

I have hope of freedom

But with the dawn of another day in Sambisa

my hope withers................

I am a Woman

 

I am a Woman

Sick of the sterotypes and expectations

I want to be free

Free to be and to choose.

 

I am a woman

Clogged by weighty demands

Afraid to leap and to dream

 

I am in rage

A woman is nothing without a man

A woman is nothing if she isn’t beautiful in the way society approves of

A woman is nothing without a child

 

I am in chains

I want to be free

Free to be and to choose

 

I am a feminist

My desire is for equality

My value lies in the fact that I am a woman.

 

Living Right Here and Now

Living Right Here and Now

 So much happened since the last time I blogged. I lost my Dad in January 2011 and it was a very traumatic experience but God saw me through it all and  I find courage and closure in his word daily.

I moved to Lagos in 2010 to attend the Nigerian Law school which I have successfully completed.

Right now, I am a 26 year old single lady working as a lawyer in a law firm and   living alone in Lagos.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about life, marriage, and love.... In Nigeria once a young girl finishes university, the pressure to get married is unbelievable. The pressure is from everyone and it hits even worse when  it comes  from family. No matter a lady's achievements, the average Nigerian's mentality is that she can never be complete without a man to call her husband.

Recently, I attended my bestfriend's wedding and was  again reminded by my  friends and family of my single status. Infact my Mother even adviced that I should join a department in church and practise fasting once every week for the gift of a husband. While, I do not think that joining a department in church or fasting are bad ideas, I am alarmed by the discrimination against singles in our society.

Singles especially older singles are looked upon as social outcasts or  misfits of the society. With the increasing pate of divorce and unhappy marriages, my mind always ponders the reason for the stigma associated with singlehood.

Since when did marriage become the sole aim of a woman's existence and the definition of her happiness. Every where you turn there are " tips on how to catch a husband". The predicament is so disturbing as society does not believe that a woman can be single and happy. The single woman is treated as a leper on the social ladder. Not to mention the unsolicited matchmaking attempts by friends and families who believe their sole purpose on earth is to find you a mate. ( Personally, I have decided not to go for another blind date again.... Urgghhh!)

Once a lady of marriageable age is not married, the next thing people will start saying is " she is so fine, how come she is not yet married.. she must have a bad character", or " maybe she has a spirit husband who is disturbing her"! Others would start advising you on how to marry any cheating slimy bastard beacuse all men cheat, or they would advice you to lose weight and use bleaching cream to lighten your skin so as to attract a husband.... I could go on and on.

Personally,  I have resolved to live right here and now.My life is so beautiful and I am determined to live in that beauty every second being grateful for all I have and am..... and hopefully someday, everyone will learn that our lives do not begin or end the day we get married.

I

My Mistakes....

I am not my mistakes.. Do not judge me by my past mistakes…they set the stage for the woman that I have become….my mistakes taught me lessons I would never have learnt otherwise…

In the cradle of those experiences is where I blossomed into this strong woman that I am now.. Yes, my yesterday may not be the story of a legend.. but that’s only because a chapter does not make a book..

Now I can see clearly and time has made me wiser … I am grateful to you for helping me through those times.. but I will not let you paint my future with those tainted brushes…

It’s a brand new day..and all I see is hope…

Because I am human, I know that I will make more mistakes.. but with every mistake I ll ever make..I ll become a better and a wiser person…so please do not judge me by my mistakes…I am not my errors……

Find your voice

We all have something in each of us that makes us unique and different..Once we lose that defining essence of us,we lose ourselves..Now is the time to celebrate what makes us stand out...our strengths and our flaws..there is beauty in our imperfections...Find your own voice...Be assertive..This is your life to live..Live it to the fullest..seize every opportunity to learn and to grow...
And remember that in every fall there is a chance to rise, in every despair a chance to hope, in every end a chance to start  afresh, and for every heartbreak there is a chance to love again....

Healing the Soul

"Heal the Soul first
the healing of the body and mind will follow"
I just read that on twitter...How do you heal a broken soul? Where do broken hearts go? I do not presume to know the answers but I ll try......
The main desire of the heart is to love and be loved in return...
Anytime we put our hearts out and we get hurt it, breaks our souls.....Healing the soul is not something that can be done in a day..It takes time..Its about learning to love yourself..inspite of the rejection, the hurt and the pain....Its about learning to trust all over again..
Healing is a slow process....you have to be ready to let go of all the pain..
You have to be ready to forgive...Forgiveness is liberating... it frees the soul...
Live in the moment..there is nothing quite as exhilarating...
Healing the soul is a rejuvenation process..like the rebirth of a soul....
In the process, there are times when the pain will stab hard and you 'll feel like you re tearing down all over again...
Keep the faith and hold on tight....the pain will eventuallly go..but the scars will remain.....to remind you  to look before you love and to crawl before you fall...
In time you 'll rise above the pain and realise that you are a complete person and that the greatest happiness you 'll ever know is found in one place......you!

The gift of friendship

A friend is like a canvas

Where your paint all your feelings on

Your thoughts, your faults

Your tears, your fears

A friend is like your favourite movie

You never get tired of laughing at the same jokes

A friend is like the break of dawn

Inspiring you to aim higher…

A friend is like a vessel of armour

Always ready to defend you

A friend is like your fondest memory

You never want to let go

A friend is like your conscience

She  ‘ll always tell you the truth

A friend is rarer than Diamonds

And she is found in the most unlikely places……